World’s Finest – An Exclusive Interview With Etta Candy
Welcome fellow agents of Precinct1313 to yet another exhilarating episode of World’s Finest, a series of exclusive interviews that aims to introduce you to some of our very favourite convocation of comic-book characters, of… all… time.
Each episode we cordially invite one of our most treasured Superheroes, SuperVillains, Costumed Crimefighters, Dimension Dwelling Demons, and of course… Super Pets (there was a bit of drama earlier actually, when Streaky, Supergirl’s pet cat, came face to beak with the Precinct’s resident carrion crow of woe, Eldritch… unfortunately for Eldritch, Streaky can also fly!) Each episode our very special guests will be answering a quotient of quintessentially quirky questions about life, the universe, and cake (’cause everyone loves cake)
And so, let’s welcome to Precinct1313’s sedentary sanguine sofa of superbly scintillating superheroes, the effervescently eclectic and endearingly edacious… Etta Candy.
Precinct1313: Hi Etta, and thanks for joining us on this week’s episode of World’s Finest.
Etta Candy: I appreciate the invite, though it was quite the jaunt to get here, luckily Diana dropped me off in her invisible plane.
Precinct1313: Really!? damn, I wish I knew that, I have always wanted to see her famous jet.
Etta Candy: Uuuuuh, it’s invisible!
Precinct1313: I, Ummm, knew that… moving swiftly on, you and Diana have been best friends for many years now I believe.
Etta Candy: Yes indeed we have, since 1942 in fact, Diana’s a swell gal.
Precinct1313: Heh, Gal… that’s a good one.
Etta Candy: I’m sorry?
Precinct1313: You know, Gal, as in Gal Gadot… the actress who’s currently playing Wonder Woman.
Etta Candy: I have literally no idea what you are talking about, I mean Wonder Woman’s name is Diana, and she’s definitely not an actress, next you’ll be telling me that, oooooh I don’t know, that Lucy Davis was cast as me in a movie!
Precinct1313: Funny you should say that… basically though Etta, Precinct1313 exists between dimensions which is how we are able to interview fictional beings such as yourself, breaking that proverbial fourth wall if you like.
Etta Candy: Fourth wall?… wait a minute, did you just say I was fictional?
Precinct1313: Why yes, of course, you were created in 1942 by Wonder Woman’s mastermind, William Moulton Marsten.
Etta Candy: ………….
Precinct1313: Soooooo, as you have already mentioned, you have known Diana since the early forties, what do you think it was that made you become such close and firm friends, I mean you really are like chalk and cheese… or should that be chalk and candy… heh.
Etta Candy: I guess most people initially thought of me as comic relief, you know, what with my goofy catchphrases like “Woo Woo” and “For the love of chocolate” but despite my inherent zaniness, Diana and I are actually very alike.
Precinct1313: Interesting, in which ways do you perceive your similarities?
Etta Candy: We’re both outspoken, forthright and confident… we’re also both not adverse to the ol’ fisticuffs should the need arise…
Precinct1313: Oh yeah, that’s right, didn’t you actually form a fighting force from your sorority ‘The Holliday Girls’ and kick Nazi butt during WWII?
Etta Candy: Yes indeedy, Diana needed our help whilst battling the infamous Dr Poison, so I recruited one hundred brave girls from my unofficial sorority and, as you just said, kicked major butt… Woo-Woo!
Precinct1313: Cool! plus, if my knowledge of your long and varied history is correct, you have even saved Wondy’s life on a few occasions too.
Etta Candy: Oh my yes, once or twice, the most memorable was the time I deflected a bullet with my trusty box of candy!
Precinct1313: Wow! I’ve heard of death by chocolate, but life by candy is so much cooler!
Etta Candy: Ha ha.
Precinct1313: You also have the distinction of being one of the very few to be given honourary Amazon status.
Etta Candy: Yes, alongside Supergirl and Starfire to name but two, they cited my bravery and supreme confidence as major factors in their decision to make me one of their sisters… a true honour indeed.
Precinct1313: Well Etta I have to say it’s been an absolute pleasure having you visit us here in the Precinct… oh and the next time you see Diana could you mention that we would love to interview her.
Etta Candy: She’s rather busy, y’know saving the world and all, but I’ll see what I can do, Woo-Woo!